2019.

I'm back... for good. 

I have been neglecting my blog for a long time and am back for good after 2 years +.

I decided to login to my blog after 2 years+ (surprisingly, I still remember my password) and found a couple of drafted posts that I didn't publish (mostly are from 2013 onwards. Most of the posts were incomplete as I didn't really finish the entire story but what I know is that from 2013 onwards was all about rantings and my honest feelings). My blog was my best friend back then, and a space where I can totally be who I am without having the fear of getting judged in some people's eyes. 

Anyway, what makes me come back after 2 years +? I don't know. I felt that something tells me to do so because blogging used to be my passion since high school (I deleted my first blog in high school because it was too cringy and decided to delete it so nobody finds my blog and mock me hahahahh) And so glad that I didn't actually delete this blog (I wanted to 2 years + ago due to certain reasons) but hey, this blog is still around and looks like I'll continue to blog after 2 years + hahahahah

It's coming to the end of 2019. I realize that I didn't post anything in 2018 because well honestly, 2018 was a tough year for me and there's no point looking back since it is the past. Long story short, 2018 made me stronger and carry forward to 2019, I became the strongest of the strongest (actually I'm still very soft at heart) hahahaha but jokes aside, 2018 made me who I am today in 2019. 

However, 2019 has been better (maybe cause I went through a tough battle last year and that I finally know how to guard myself better) - what I notice about 2019 is that - I reconnect with most of my old friends, met some familiar faces that I know but didn't talk - and eventually we talk and became friends, prioritizing the ones that love and support me (that small quality of friends that became my family), and most importantly, being able to let go and be happy for the ones that I've crossed path with but no longer in talking terms due to certain reasons as well. Praying does help a lot and I secretly pray for the ones that I'm no longer in talking terms with to be happy and secretly wish that they will succeed in life - being able to hit as many milestones in life, creating better friendships and relationships. 2019 also taught me to love thy enemies because honestly, we are not perfect and some things happen for a reason. 2019 is also a year where I found out the truth that I needed to know.  Painful but at least it is the truth that I deserve to know and that it allows me to grow as an individual. 

So basically 2018 taught me to try because no matter what, I did tried in whatsoever circumstances that happened, and the truth that I needed to know instead of words but actions. 

& 2019 - healing - and accepting the fact that we can't change the past - of why some things happened alas, acceptance and letting go. 

2019 is indeed a fruitful year (will jot it down on my next post cause it is 1.57am and I'm tired), got a bus-ride to catch later as I'll be watching Air Supply tonight (yayyyy) okay will save it for the next post byeeeeee :D

It was on the draft status since 2017 and I decided to publish this:-

Hi.

It's been awhile since I have last posted.

And I know it because I have been quite busy lately and of course, I kinda lost my mojo to blog.

I shall welcome back myself after a year because I'm currently have nothing to do 'till 7pm and just waiting for time to pass.

In fact, I have so many things to update for the past 1 year that I went missing but I just don't know where to start. (or maybe because I change to be more reserved?)

So what have I been up to since the day I went missing in action 'till now? Well, those people that I am close with should know what have I been doing all these while and yes, I changed. I change to be more reserved, I'm more like an introvert from an extrovert because my body can't take the hyperactive stress anymore so it has to retired (lol kidding. Just that my spirit died off), I have been focusing so much on myself in terms of the direction of where I want to go and am glad that I am doing well in that - like knowing what's best, to change my fate because I am the only person that is able to decide on my fate. Funny how a year and a few months ago I was still on the verge of finding myself - to continue working and have no future otherwise or to change my fate to go further and be brave to take consequences to make sacrifices on what I really want to achieve in my life or just remain in my comfort zone? I choose Plan B and I have no regrets.

After 3 years, I have come to decide my fate is to get that degree that I wanted. I am wayyy behind all of my friends and I know I shouldn't put the stress on myself that I am not trying hard to get it and living with regrets due to the past. I have my moments when I feel that I'm nothing like those people who have a stable family nor a perfect life to get what I really want in terms of how I want to achieve my goal but didn't know where to start. I don't see a future where I can soar. In fact, I am very glad that I went through the hardest 3 years which changed my life forever. I always tell myself that it may be hard for me to look out for the rainbow as most of my friends came out graduated, doing a degree at an age of 19, work-travel, travelling around the world, getting their dream jobs, excelling whatsoever achievements, goals in life and what I get is nothing. I gave myself a pat in the back and told myself to think about how I can choose to change my fate. If Plan A doesn't work out, go for Plan B instead. I may not be the strongest person but I know that I am brave. Without the help of some beautiful people (you guys know who you are), universities halls, classes were never in my dictionary and I would never have the chance to stepped to experience it.


Doing that 3 years, I have gain so much knowledge and understanding myself better. I can remember briefly that I couldn't tell anyone about my background, what was I doing in that past three years, figuring out myself.

Steaks & Lobster

Today is going to be some random blog entry in this forsaken night. I could sum up day as tired, as usual. Nothing change besides me being exhausted from work and just wanting to go home and sleep and not to forget, to embrace the humid night (I just showered not long ago and my hair is starting to dry up again) yeah, that's how humid my room is and I'm in need of a air-cooler. PM me if you are selling your mini air-cooler or some portable air cooler that I need not to attach anything outside of the house or whatsoever it is. Also, please be reasonable *laughs at my own joke*

Right after work, my friend took me out for dinner and this place is known as:-

I apologize if my photography skills are so bad because I sold away my DSLR and haven't been taking pictures for a long time (except for myself) kidding. This eatery is located in Hartamas/Mont Kiara (aren't they in the same area?) but well, it isn't very far from Naughty Nuri and Souled Out. Parking was bad that my colleague had to double park because we ran out of luck of finding a parking spot especially when it comes to Hartamas. It's dinner time what to expect, people would want to dine in and want their car to be placed in a secure parking area spot so my colleague had no choice but to leave his contact details in front of the windscreen of the driver seat. The advantage of having a messy bag is that I found a pen inside my bag too! But didn't had any piece of paper besides some advertising ad.

While you do your business in the toilet, this quote is meant for you #truestory

Check out the most-expensive-burger-in-KL worth RM168. According to the description, it's the ingredient that are made of gold (*cough- 24 carat gold burger plox) - gold leaves? I can't imagine. But they have truffles thou!

Here's the close-up picture of the 24 carat burger.

#

I let my friend decide since he's really good at choosing food (best of all, he has better taste than me) and this is what it came up (and yes, we over-ordered)

Starter comes with this bread and some special sauce. Fresh and nice. It's always good to come with a starter (I think this is complimentary? Cause I can't recall if we order this)

The mighty milkshake with dry bacon bits! It may look extremely weird to drink milkshake with bacon but if you happened to be a bacon lover, why not? If you find this disgusting, go for the normal milkshake that is. (p/s: I have to admit that their milkshake over here isn't too bad - in terms of price) If not mistaken, it cost around RM16.

So, this came second right after the complimentary starter (and also the milkshake). All four appetizers are included in this platter (Portobello Fries, BBQ Chicken Wings, Minced Steak potato Shell and of course, mini lobsters) worth RM 49.90. Their portobello mushroom is the best! I would have liked the lobster if I am not allergic to it. I was stubborn enough to try lobsters because first, this is my first time trying lobster and out of curiosity I wonder if lobster comes with the same family as prawn?

The Steak Potato is so niaseeee too, chicken wings are the boom! Sinfully crispy.

From the top view

and the lobster came to our table. It's SHAAAA HUGE! At first I thought my friend ordered half of the lobster but turned out it's one whole lobster (my inner-self questioned myself why am I even allergic to certain shell food after discovering irritation on my skin after eating one part of the lobster le sighhhh) I am not going to lie but it tasted so fresh and juicy too. It's like buying the most expensive crab that holds up so much meat in it. Let me recap this, it's about RM108 for one whole lobster. This is the Dual Cheese baked Live American Lobster we're talking about! I like the way how the cheese melts into my mouth too that it blends well with the lobster itself.

Two featured meal that came to our table earlier.

This is how it looks like! Did I tell you that it comes with side dishes too? (That's when we thought that we over-ordered because we didn't know that lobster comes with side dishes too)

Check out that Wagyu steak! People say pictures can be deceiving but not for this! This is also my first time trying a Wagyu steak (I sound like some village girl but hey, I love trying out new food) I need to ask my friend how much does this cost again but as I can recall it's pretty reasonable for a Wagyu Beef. I don't mind paying for quality food because that makes everything so worth it. Also, we shared all of these and it was very fulfilling.

Top view of the Wagyu beef that comes with side dishes too (Coleslaw and some Potato Salad)

Allow me to tempt you with that baked cheese lobster. Look at how glorious this cheese.... *___*

Half-destroyed.

The aftermath. Left with the chicken wings and some unfinished side dishes.

 

Guess how much is the bill? The bill turned out to be *exx* after GST 5% and Service Charge of 10%. Once in a lifetime can have a meal like this and I have to thank my friend, Low for bringing me to eat there or else I won't know about this place. I love how the place is so quiet and there weren't many people that dined in that day so it's like a perfect night (excluding out the parking part because it was a peak hour)

Will I recommend this place? Yes, good to try if you are as curious as a cat. It's located in the heart of Mont Kiara. Come early to avoid frustration when it comes to getting a parking spot.

Sorry, I suck at writing food reviews but I'm writing this for the fun of it and to also update my dead blog. More to come, I promise.

And also I have to apologize my photography skills. The lightning was bad and I am a bad photographer now.

Steak & Lobster

42, Jalan 24/70a, 

Desa Sri Hartamas, Kuala Lumpur,

(Opens: Tuesday-Sunday)

12pm-3pm, 6pm-12am 

 Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Pardon me for being such a spoiled brat over the internet (or shall I say my blogpost, in case you are wondering why it's because..

I need a new guitar (okay more like I want to own a better guitar)

As promised, I will achieve it by getting it asap and I know I will after two years of slacking and looking at the displays instead of owning it. I'll give myself before the new start of 2017 that I'll definitely own one (knowing it's impossible for now because I need to save up for *taking out my entire list of what to save for* erm k nvm

Okay I am done with what I need to say so bai.

High school memories.

I was scrolling through one of my very close high school friend's blog just now and she had to post a picture of us (back when I was an anorexic creature lol) - that was when I was in secondary school.

I start to reminisce memories back and if I have one wish is to tell my 16 years old self to enjoy my teen years before all hell breaks loose by the time I graduate from high school. I remembered I used to look forward to graduate from high school is because I hate studying *roll eyes* - more like I wanted to escape from History because I hate history the most. Besides that, I really enjoyed my high school years because of my friends - they made it happened and that's the reason why I still cherish my old high school friends up to now, they grew up with me since 13 (I drifted apart from some primary school friends who can barely even remember me lol) and I believe that God has gave me amazing friends in high school, up to today who I'm still keeping contact with.

We all know that high school is always full of drama but thank god that I'm unnoticeable in school but knowing that I can't escape dramas with teachers back then I was 15 because my maths cannot make it but hey, I managed to get a credit for Maths at least *proud girl*

I remembered going for so many school trips with my friends, from Genting Highlands trip that happened almost once a year - I ended up going with Pei Ying because we used to like Genting a lot due to the cold weather and that I remembered I got into so much trouble with my maths teacher because I failed my maths exam during mid terms and wasn't able to answer her question on the board omg hahaha. Come to think of it right now I find it ridiculously funny (at that time I was struggling to answer that math question on the board) *laugh-

I realized that the friends who stood by me because I'm easily bullied by a bunch-of-lifeless-gang-who-knows-nothing-but-themselves *roll eyes- (I'm an easy target last time but when I turned 16, I became more courageous) aren't the one that judges the way how I personally look before wanting to befriend with me (when I was 13, I looked timid and horrible that I just had to hide from the crowd due to my skin condition - pimple faced girl approached that even my geography teacher was so concerned and keep asking me to try this cleanser known as Simple wtf - it didn't resolved my skin problems in the end) I used to suffered from low self esteem everyday in school I confess but when I reach to the age of 16, I decided to change and be better and I have no regrets in this. Growing up with bullies has never changed but it taught me well enough to fight back this time #noscared

I realized that during High School, I did so many (or countless) stupid actions that made me laugh wtf.

Every Wednesdays after Saint. John's meeting, Pei Ying, Yi Sin and I used to walk up to BSC (it's the closest mall from our school) and eat Japanese food (I wonder how we can even afford back then lolll)

Joined in same clubs with Pei Ying as I had no knowledge in chess before until Christina introduced us to be a part of it. I honestly enjoyed after school lunch at the canteen with Nana and Pei Ying before heading for our meetings/activities by playing chess in class or even draw in class wtf

I've always remember that during the beginning of the year we have to make separate ways of which club we would want to get involve in. Choosing a president and those position holders are a pain especially when someone has to put in your name and once someone called out your name to cast the vote majority, no one raise their hands wtfff. Thank god I had a few people that raised their hands for me thou I didn't want that position (so that I don't have to feel so useless okay) out of don't know how many people in the crowd in that one club fit in one classroom. From that day onwards I told my friends to NOT put my name into the voting list because it's embarrassing and juniors in school doesn't like me *cries*

 Those were the days when I was a librarian back then because I used to love reading books and now my knowledge on books has rotten down. :( and also because I wanted to wear green uniforms and to escape from wearing pinafore in school (a secret that I kept for a long time) HAHAHAHHA because I wasn't allowed to wear Baju Kurung - more like my dad didn't want to buy me a baju kurung because my dad's logic he said "why want to wear so hot? Pinafore more cooling" (some comfortable wear - more like a lazy wear just that it is long and hot lol) and since my sister was a librarian back then in high school I could just make used of her old uniform wear (she had a green baju kurung) *___* Interviewer used to asked me why I want to be a librarian and I responded back in an angelic way but the main purpose is that I want to avoid wearing Pinafore *evil smile* KIDDING

I miss my librarian juniors too. Fridays were my onduty days and it's probably the best day to pick because I was the duty leader LOL. No kidding, my juniors enjoyed doing duties on friday's because i iz a cool senior B-) *self-proclaim*

I have learnt so much apart from growing up as I am sitting in front of the desktop typing this out, wishing I can turn back time - to hang out at the corridor during break time or the library, rarely in the canteen for some reasons. High school consists both bittersweet memories.

Not to forget, I had the best senior year ever - with friends that made the best out of it.  High school is not about being popular and whatnot but with the people you celebrate with. 

dad.

I decided to focus this entry on a very specific, most important person who brought me here in this world. Without him, I don't think I will be here, living in the world where I can stand at the bus stop right now, a pair of eyes to see the traffic and the sound of the engine of vehicles, the humid sun, or rather, to be able to be me today. I am here to talk about my one and only father who brought me here in this world.

My dad is not a perfect person, he is also covered with flaws and bad habits. His blood boiled easily and he is extremely stubborn. He doesn't like people who doesn't follow his own way of thinking and he doesn't seem to understand anyone's perspective and is very full of himself. My dad is a very unreasonable man and would embarrass me in public. There are times when both of us have our own disagreements on how we see and look at things and gets angry whenever I fail to follow his ways. He doesn't like it when he sees me cry that he will scold me if I ever do so. I could list down a number of actions of dissatisfaction towards him like any other teenagers would do. 

Despite whatever happened in the past and his actions, he is still my dad. The dad that makes him HIM. The dad that I know that he is covered with flaws and was never perfect to begin with because in my eyes, he is still the father that I love. The dad that brings out the best of me with decent memories to be remembered, shared life experiences and wish to see me a successful person with my own unit along with him and would object the fact that I want to keep animals in my future apartment while he is around. I still remember that silver ford ranger parked at the corner of Bangsar LRT whenever we meet up for lunch/dinner. I still remembered the fact that he would want to have supper at this banana leaf restaurant at 11pm a few times just to have his thosai and his tea contained 3-4 drops of sugar each cup. I remembered how much he wanted to get those upcoming gadgets influenced by the new generation that he would ask me to teach him step by step on how to operate the new technology but got lazier to learn after a few days. First guitar was also bought by my dad in a secondhand shop because I wanted to learn how to play a guitar back then (guitar already gg.com) He loves his food and have to satisfy his sweet tooth and would secretly hide all of his can drinks and sweets related in his car/drawer or beg me to give it to him because I told him not to. He sacrifice a lot that I may not be able to realize it but I know he did. My dad is a very hardworking person who operates his own company till he is unable to work which is right now at the hospital. He is a very carefree person and sees me as his joy (I constantly remind myself that to make him proud and achieve what I can do and earn that on my own) What I see in him is basically as a person who lives life to the fullest and not care about what others have to say about him (I guess that's how I inherit from his YOLO-ness)

I have learnt something extremely important - he has lived his life to the fullest despite how sick he was, he still wants to live an ordinary, normal life as if he is still in his 20s. I am so proud of all of his achievements that he has unlocked in his past life. It's been two weeks since he was admitted to the hospital and he is a real fighter who survived previously when he was admitted. My dad is very strong person who went through ups and downs smoothly along the way and I constantly remind myself that he is staying strong for me. God gave him the strength to carry on, second chance for him to explore the beautiful world and what he needs to do. I discovered God was real when I see miracles happened day by day as he aged till now. He is going to be 71 years old in two weeks time. Without him, I won't really know where to eat since my dad is those "makan kaki" (a food person that goes around and eat something new), without him I doubt I have the wisdom to be independent and be who I am today. Without him, I don't think my sense of direction would make me like a human GPS to my friends (lol) thanks to him for driving me around when I was a little younger than I am. Without him, I don't think my surname would be Yoong (it is a very nice surname). Most importantly without him, I won't know the feeling of having a father. 

I know that God loves him more and wants him back, and I can't bear to see his sufferings in the hospital. He always hated to go to hospitals back when we advice him to go and see the doctor and I can never understand why until I came to the normal ward. It is frustrating. I couldn't really accept the fact how my dad turned out to be in the hospital, admitted 3 days after my birthday and it hurts to see that the person that I know who used to spammed calls me without any fail hardly ever calls me anymore. Conversations were getting shorter day by day and he became unconscious. He can barely talk now nor can even open his eyes. The progress of the before and after - a total change from how I see him. He has lost so much weight and he has became so weak yet so strong to endure the pain just to live. That's when it hits me so hard that I knew that his time may be up anytime. From someone that I know that could drive as far as he can in his 60s and being able to walk healthily and move around, it is sad to see him not being able to have the energy again and constantly in bed and barely talk like how he used to. If only I could rescue my dad and surrender my life to him, I would. 

My dad is still as stubborn as he is even when he is admitted to the hospital, he still craves for sweet stuff such as Orange Juice from the supermarket and Ice Water, I am disappointed by the fact that I won't be able to give the food what he used to crave anymore and should have given him more of his favorite food. I couldn't really understand his principle before because I am afraid that those sweet stuff may bring further sickness to him but again I have learnt that he is old and he should get what he wants because he wants to live life to the fullest, happily without any regrets - not just food but his lifestyle. 

Knowing that my dad is in pain, it took me a long time to accept the fact that he has to go after getting the news from the doctors that he is not qualify to live due to his health condition, it is definitely a sign that it is his time. 

I am disappointed that I couldn't even throw an early birthday celebration for him while he was a lot more better but I am glad that I am able to celebrate his 70th birthday and the previous days when I was a child. I am also disappointed that I am not good enough to hold the title of being a good daughter, too. I am sorry dad for not being there  during your bad times. Growing up sucks so much that I have to neglect those times when I am not there while I am over there, fulfilling my responsibilities, chasing dreams. I am sorry for being so rebellious and being the worst daughter that a father expect a daughter to be. I am sorry for not being able to admit because j am afraid that you may not be able to take me as I am. Whatever I have whispered to your ear in the hospital, I promise to achieve all of that. 

Dad, I can never understand the pain that you are going through right now. If you really need to go, just go. 

Contemporary feelings

This week happened so much with a blink of an eye. I don't know how to comprehend the way how I am feeling right now but I just want to burn these feelings into ashes.