Both good and the bad.
And I've learnt a lot from that.
Since yesterday was the last day of 2014, here I am typing this out in an empty room with the lights off because I love reflecting this moment especially when it is dark (meh, just being lame and shit) hahahah. I believe today it is a brand new year for me to start on though I may face the same shit but different year kind of situation, I am indeed trying my best to reorganize my life and not bringing those shitty moments that happened years ago. More like I am making a change in my life.
What I've learnt last year? To not rely on anyone. I've learnt this the hard way because I tend to trust people very easily and that so, people that I know gave me so much hope ended up getting myself disappointed with their lies and deceptions. I used to believe that I can be friends with anyone and not worrying about the ones that indeed destroy me emotionally and mentally because I tend to prioritize the wrong company, more like I am blind-folded in the dark and being dragged in the dark so that no one can save me when I need help. I've learnt the hard way cause I've met the ones that just use me up to their own good and then disappeared. One thing I know it is part of life that people come and go and also, I've learnt not to trust anyone because not everyone is your friend. (Don't worry, I never go beyond to the point when I've done something bad such as killing someone - ants are not included!)
Eat more good food! Because food seems to be my source of happiness. Oh, and it mends broken hearts too. :)
What is it like to keep a pet. I remembered that I've always wanted to have an unit full of cats and dogs. I realized after taking care of Ginger the cat and Bingo the hedgehog, it built my confident and love for animals even more that I am definitely sticking to the plan! They were family to me, more like still a family to me eventhough they are apart from me right now. These fluffy and spiky creature brought joy to me whenever I was down (pushing aside the responsibilities) but I indeed love them and treat them as family. It is sad that I cant keep them due to certain reasons why but I am glad that both of them have a better life with their new lovely owners.
I've learnt how to stay strong and stand at my own feet. It is a part of learning process for me up to today and being strong is not easy either. We are human and get demotivated very easily. We can't stay happy for the rest of our lives unless we have a happy, glamorous life. Dealing with my own emotions and being positive is the key to my own serenity though sometimes (most of the time) it kills me so much I have to look at Pinterest quotes all the time to motivate me again lol (or chocolates, maybe hopping on random places and sitting on long journey rides) however, my backbones are definitely my sis, friends, petsis, - friends that have been there for me up to today and I am eternally grateful to have them (you know who you are) because without them, 2014 wouldn't be a good year, a year that I could think of something that makes me smile and enables me to fill up my jar of happiness (which I was supposed to open up with Yi sin yesterday)
It is okay to cry because you are just letting out.
Let go of the past - because I have to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. If I can't change the things I can, I have to accept it and let go eventually.
I discovered my true friends (I know I wrote this two years ago, but different situations =_=") I've made a lot of new friends last year and most of them are simply amazing. Friends doesn't measure the number of years and days of how long you know that person. I observed and realized that a few longer ones that I've known has changed (people change, gotta accept that) and probably the ones that doesn't appreciate you at all. Woke up to reality and I'm beginning to realize a lot of things that some people are meant to let go. Harsh reality, but I can't keep the people that tend to destroy me eventhough they meant a lot (or the whole world) to me. It is probably the hardest to let go (my biggest weakness) but I know it is no point keeping it because it seems like I am trying so hard to bring out the positivity out of the ones that are not worth keeping and allow to hurt me over and over again.
Also, YOLO (You Only Lived Once) whenever you can because I believe we only live once and we create our own rules anyway. Traveling and exposing to the world to experience so many different aspect in life and I believe there are more to come and I look forward to that. I enjoyed my YOLO trips and holidays with my YOLO-kaki's :D
And I will never forget this - God. I realized I hardly go to Church like how I used to years ago due to my busy schedule and always working on weekends, my time for God seems to be decreasing from time to time. I've realized that whatever that I've done last year due to the struggles and being busy most of the time especially when I am at the state of growing up, I forgotten how to pray and getting closer to God. Though I have strong faith in God, it feels like it was not enough and I want to change that. That night, I dreamt of a light approaching me in the dark, spoke to me, "you are fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that fully well" I believe it is coming from the bible verse Psalm 139:14. It sounds familiar and I remembered while I was scrolling through Pinterest, I found quotes that I dreamt of was exactly the same sentence that the light spoken to me that night when I was feeling down. I know it was God. He watches over me from day and night everyday, 365 days a year. How I can feel his presence? Whenever I am out late and coming back home extremely late after work sometimes and have no choice but to walk back home in lonely roads and streetlights, getting lost at certain point of time especially when it was at night (while I was trying to find my way to the airport after a bus dropped me to one isolated area where stray dogs and lonely streetlights without any signboards around and have to find my way back to the airport by walking), a few unfortunate events that turned out to be fortunate enough that I am still alive and safe is because of God. I have so many things to confess and repent and I know that myself. Today is the first page of 2015 and I don't want to be how I was before. I choose to change and repent to be a better person.
Lastly, choose happiness and dispose the negativity in your life because it is only YOU yourself that can make changes in your life. It is okay to fall to the drain and make mistakes because from there we will learn. I learnt and I am just grateful for what that has been given to me. I may not be the luckiest person in the world but I am truly blessed to be alive today.
Thank you 2014, for teaching me well enough as I welcome the year 2015 with a big, warm hug.
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