typing in silence

Living in a world where society criticize you to the max is just so unbearable sometimes, society could mean your friends too.. and it makes me wonder why.

At first, I didn't want to accept the ugly truth nor do I ever realize that they were using me, the fact that they needed me the most when it comes to the times they need, the fact that they tried changing me to who I am not, not just that but they criticize the way how I dress and look instead of focusing on personality but sees the cover more than what's in the pages.

Do I look like a vending machine to you? Do I look like I'm here to impress you? True that I may not be as stylish as you are but at least I'm not fake that goes around talking bad behind your back. You betrayed that one particular weapon that mends the friendship - trust.

It's sad to know that you kind of judge me behind my back and never have the intention to tell me right in my face but if you happened to have a friend with you, I would hear the words that I never hear from you before and joined in the conversation. It's like getting slap more than a million times and I had to swallow my words.

There's no point mentioning the fact that how much I trusted you but you betrayed it in the end because what I know that people change, and true colours will reveal someday after getting to know them for a while. Guess what? You are qualified to act in one of those chick-flicks movies.

After getting to know what you said about me, I thank you... for your strong, discouraging words that scarred me for long but I really hope that someday you will know that the value of friendship is about accepting that person despite the uncountable flaws he/she has but it seems like you just focus on the looks/fortune more than the personality.

Putting that aside, that reminds me.. the way how you indirectly tell me to put make-up to cover up my face full of flaws and scars, dress up to impress - to change my typical shirts and jeans to short dresses and skirts/shorts and criticize the way how I dress, The way how you criticize my entire outlook before putting on braces, gaining a little bit of weight because I was too skinny/disgusted to be looked at, judged me because I don't have a nice, smooth, flawless skin. Squeeze me, I'm not your barbie doll.


Looks is not everything, nor fortune. I want to see how long will these two last without personality, and how beauty comes without personality.

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Besides friendship, whatever I've faced in the past.. I will definitely not let it kill me as I will continue to push myself to look forward, whatever heartache I had/have, I will learn from it. Whatever that's broken and can't be fixed, I will learn the hardest way and to not force it eventhough how much it kills me, I won't let it affect me. I'll discover happiness, praying that everyone will be happy. 

But one thing for sure, I never plan to lose myself no matter how hard life gets.