flashbacks and c.h.a.n.g.e

I know it isn't the end of March yet. Two days left till it's April (well considered two more days to go and still counting).

Well, I don't usually talk about months on how it is but it seems like I really need or have the urge to blog about this month's flashbacks. I can't say it's all bad but I could say that it's equally.. like a challenging month to me, YET a tough month I have to endure. Yes, there are also the good ones too. It can't be all that bad. I really appreciate and cherish the good times but let's get back to where I was.

I won't say that I despise this month, or shall I say.. complain until blogger kicks me out and ban me from blogging (nah, just kidding) Pushing that aside, I'm really glad that I experience this roller coaster ride and it has been one of the most scariest, challenging ride ever. Leading me to various of platforms of how reality can be.

Yeah, I may rant most of the time... I'm imperfect, like any other humans too. All of us have feelings, so do you. Doing it out of frustrations but guess what? I'm absolutely grateful to face all these consequences. Without them, I won't be able to know my true friends, the people I met where trust is found visible or invisible, and knowing their true colors after getting to know them for a long time. Are they really your friends or not? Therefore, the cruel world where you face reality, the world is not a safe place and the only way is to be there to take care of yourself. I've learnt to rely on myself and not depending on others because you yourself won't let your guts down.

So what if people choose to leave and go? Appreciate the ones that are still by your side no matter what the outcomes and changes made. True friends won't leave you just because of their changes in life. I've learnt to just live life to the fullest, be me and to stop living in the past. I've learnt to not change for someone unless I choose to change for the better, or just because someone despises you doesn't mean you're living a bad life. I've learnt not to care, to care less, surround yourself the people you love and care for the ones that makes you happy (I'm not trying to be selfish or what but the truth is, the more you care, the more you get hurt for nothing. Plus, there's no benefit the moment you care for someone that doesn't even care for you. Life is worth living if you know how to live your life with your own purposes) Don't call him/her your friend if he/she doesn't even know how to value one but instead, they made used of you until you yourself wake up to reality and discovered their inner self, based on who they are and their purpose of being friends with you. Don't be afraid to stand out. Stand out, don't be someone else's shadow (Quoted by Yi Sin's blog)

I've learnt how to pray. Besides being heartless, (that's way beyond cruel I must say) I learnt to pray for others. To pray for those who have doubts on me, ask for forgiveness and pray for them. Besides cursing (Well, I curse a lot.. I'm going to be brutally honest in this), I've learnt how to pray if one doesn't like me and the list goes on. During this sacrament of Lent, I've learnt how to be a better person, to forgive and to not have doubts on anyone no matter how hard life can gets but hating is not the choice. Praying for them stands out more than cursing. Yes, I'm imperfect and I have many, many flaws too... so many till it's uncountable. I'm trying to be a better person everyday, fighting to be one.. creating my own serenity and happiness.

I've learnt to let go and be happy, be contented and live life to the fullest. So, love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, but promised it would be worth it. - Anonymous

Last but not least, don't forget to fall in love with yourself first. Never ever hurt yourself just because life's being a bytch. Instead, shower yourself with good food (that's the reason why good food exists in life) - if people's going to call you fat, or criticize on what you eat, eat them up alive. OR wake up and start anew. Why stay in the same, old nutshell? You deserve to be happy and therefore, life's too short to be unhappy. Just let life go with the flow because as the river flows, the direction of the water flows smoothly... (..what am I talking)

 Did I tell you that I'm addicted to Guy Sebastian's song called "Battle Scars"? The other day I heard on the radio and it got me so hooked up.



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Meanwhile, today's Good Friday. Blessed Good Friday to everyone of you. Today, we remember God's great love for us. May this day bring new meaning and change in your life. 

Take care.

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Day 18: Favorite band/singer.

 

Well, it is not only them, Idocile have place all of my favorite bands/singer in this post but I'm afraid it might crash or.. something. (heh. Excuses :p) on the side note, I am more like the boyband kind-of-person. I am fine with any genre except for over-exaggerating heavy metal artist/band. Just decided to post some pictures of these bands that I like so yeah, familiar faces? You can tell.  

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Stayed up pretty late just to finish up my essay. Have been staring in front of the laptop since late noon and finished my piece of work at 4am last night. My mind was absent and I couldn't think of any ideas beside staring at the screen for a long time, blasting Boyce Avenue's music all the way just to keep me awake. A miracle that music makes me feel... so alive and I never thought it would keep me awake (to be honest, whenever I hear songs, I would probably yawn and doze off right away). Yi Sin kept me company till 1am as we were struggling to write an essay but after awhile, I was so focused onto my essay, wanting to finish up as fast as I can so I can just... go and sleep after such a long day.

This week has been really tough for me, actually this month is one tough month ever. Greeted stress with an open arm, and of course, obstacles to overcome them. I hate to say this but I have been having nightmares... like A LOT lately or constantly wake up at odd hours just like that. This month's sources of ingredient is just so interesting which makes a great combination of getting the best tea ever!! WANNA TRY? It is free of charge and it is tasty too! That's what makes life so interesting the fact there are so many things going on. I am just going to enjoy the show and be a hero of the movie (my very own creation) HAHAHAH. Kidding.

I'm definitely going to add chocolate powder and condensed milk to make it even more tastier and I am definitely making a change to this.

Quote of the day:

"if you really want something, FIGHT FOR IT. Why make it so complicated? Problems can be solved if you know how to stand up and take the risk. It may be hard at first but without the storm, you will never discovered the rainbow."

Day 17: Celebrity crush.

This is my celebrity crush. 

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Let's talk about the world. 

Look at your surroundings. The people around you. Familiar faces that you've seen. 

It's crazy how someone you used to know became someone that you knew. Life, you are such an adventure - path where I have no idea where are you leading to. I won't be able to say much but to elaborate life... you're such a pain. *runs to one corner and cry* NAO GET ME A TUB OF ICE CREAM. Egg benedict... egg benedict.. I've got 2 more weeks till Lent is over and right after this fasting month is over, I'm going to fly over to Plan B and order 123434839048347 egg benedict(s) and not to forget, run over to Baskin Robbins and buy the entire flavor and place it in a tub and eat. Heavenly.

Random chat with Yingying. Real friends does this. Heh.

 

Motivation of the day:-

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... and I'm on the verge of creating one. 

The actual meaning.

life of a stm kid.

Day 16: Describe yourself.

Describe myself? Talk to me and you will be the judge. :D I don't bite.

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Let's talk about today's topic, STM known as short term memory. Yes, I am currently facing this terrible disease! I can't recall what I wanted to do earlier as I was browsing on google and I remembered I wanted to search something on google and whenever my Internet browser loads google, leaving the search box empty as I pondered and asked myself... "Errr, what I wanted to search again?" Dayum, it is not even 1 minute andddddd my mind went blank.. just... like that.

Help me! Is there any cure for STM? D: I tend to forget very easily in terms of what I want to do or to find out about something and then, it just disappeared..

*bangs head on the wall*

Speaking of STM, there was this song I wanted to find and play on YouTube unfortunately I can't remember what was that song! Shoot me already! Oh, and the moment I came up to my room just to get something, realizing that I forgotten what I wanted to get. WHUT SORCERY IS THIS?!

Okay I should stop ranting already.

Let me end with a motivation of the day and did I tell you that I am craving for ice cream? Ice cream makes me happy and it makes everyone happy too unless you don't like ice cream. Try buying one, it helps.

How about ice cream yakult? Sounds even more awesome!

Lets talk about music, I still love Six Degrees of Separation sang by The Script (I know it is old but it keeps on playing in my mind), and not to forget, Dia Frampton and Rascal Flatts. You should listen to their songs. :D

This quote is dedicated to all lovebirds out there. :D blessed Tuesday and I shall continue my sleep.

another strange dream.

Day 15: favorite store.

I like every store that sells sugar, spice and everything nice.

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I couldn't sleep last night till 10 past 4am. Lately, I am just so afraid to sleep as I fear that this particular dream comes back again. STOP HAUNTING ME ALREADY, I AM INNOCENT! D: I just want to sleep to forget about everything for awhile. D: Nightmares have been trolling me lately with its "problem?" meme face. *face palm* Okay, putting jokes aside, I had a dream last night, a strange dream last night. I dreamt about having my own resolution of rebuilding myself up. If you ever seen a movie or read a book called Eat, Pray and Love, yeap, I dreamed that I went to all sort of places equally to learn and discover these three elements and it is honestly something similar to eat, pray and love. It only lasted for 2 hours plus as I got up for Church the next day. *walks like a zombie*

Rebuilding yourself up and having the time of your life simply because life is too short to think of unnecessary things.

Here's today motivation of the day:-

you gotta be

Day 13: Someone you miss the most

I miss everyone and whoever's reading this, I miss you. :-( You know who you are!

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I was waiting for the bus earlier this morning as I needed to study for my Moral exams. This morning the bus was full and there were so many people. However, an old man came up to the bus in the next stop as I watched others if they were to offer their seats to him as I was further apart from him but no, none of them offered and pretended to not know anything, leaving the poor old man with a walking stick, standing which makes me get up the moment I saw him and came up to him and offered my seat to him as I leaded him the way to the empty seat I offered him. The fact when I see someone smiles honestly makes me smile too. The feeling of doing something great/something that I can offer in the morning is great. Thou I don't have that amount of money to help or to donate to the charity and whatnot but I can always do something good without involving money into it. I know I can't offer that much but I can only offer the little things by helping, you name it. And no, this is not my first time offering seats and whatnot, I am expressing this awesome feeling right after being able to make them smile especially in the midst of getting through the harder times of your life and being able to make someone smile brightens up my day. Try doing something, and you will know how that feels. :-)

And yes, I love changing frowns into smiles. It makes me happy to see one's smile. I want to try to make the people around me... happy. :D just like coloring over a black and white paper and scribbling it with crayons.

By doing so, I'll be able to make myself smile too. :-D I will enlighten my thoughts with all my strength that I have, and being able to start off my day with a smile, ending my day feeling blessed and grateful. I wont let this monstrous feeling and not to forget, my biggest rival - stress kill me any longer. It takes time to mend and I will definitely carry on.

Did I tell you that the song Move Along sang by All American Rejects and To Be With You sang by Mr Big make me happy? It feels like as thou someone is singing it to me. Just sharing a few songs that give you motivation too!


Motivation of the day:-

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Day 12: Siblings.

You are probably one of my brother/sister if you are reading this :O In fact, the people around you may be your siblings. :-)

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This month is probably the most challenging month ever. Also, it is the month of Lent. It feels like I am being tested by temptations and my strength of sacrificing something valuable/something you can't live without (however that is). This year is something similar like last year and why am I not surprise. Therefore I should really look at it in a positive way no matter how bad the situation is.

Please give me the strength to overcome this, O lord, my strength and my provider. I trust in you. Lead me to your glory. I am sorry for I have sin during the season of Lent. Thank you for forgiving me and giving me a second chance all the time. Your love never fails and I am absolutely grateful for the life you gave me and being there for me to face every consequences in life while guiding me to be a better person everyday as long as I live. AMMMEEEEENNNNNN!!

P/S: I haven't study a single chapter for Moral and the exam is tomorrow. On top of that, I have two presentations - video and the review tomorrow before exams. Fml. -.- I should go and study now.

In a meanwhile, motivation of the day:-

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Day 10: Where are you from?

- Somewhere over the clouds. Spot me in one of those clouds and I'm right there... in front of you.

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Motivation of the day:-

Picture of the day:-

run for sight ;

It is 2:46am and I am still awake. I can't sleep so I decided to blog as usual.

Is it me or the weather is just too humid these days? I've been drinking like 20 bottles of water a day (feels like it) but I still feel extremely sick lately. Body y u no feeling well?!

Yeah.. The weather is just too hot till you can even fried an egg and boil hot water. Can even save electricity.

Okay enough about the weather, lets talk about yesterday's event. Woke up at 5:20am yesterday. Couldn't sleep for the past 2 weeks already. Nights like this I can probably use them to watch a movie instead of lying down, staring at the ceiling. Had nightmares? Watch a movie that makes you laugh. Okay back to where I was, yi sin fetched me around 6:20am as we made our way to Central Park where the event was held.

Not baddd, we just followed the crowd as we seen people with the same shirt as us heading to the park and we followed them too. Started off with a warm-up session with a Celebrity Fitness trainer in the morning. We were finding a spot where we could keep and place our bags as they provide no locker service. Imagine us running while carrying our bags, blindfolded. In the end, a nice lady allowed us to keep our bags in her stand where she sells second hand stuff, told us to support her by buying some things from her stall and we did in the end.

The run was really fun and unique in a way that one of us has to be blindfolded as one of the team member have to lead his/her partner. It taught me so much and to be grateful that God gave me a pair of eyes to see and explore the beauty of the world as I imagined myself being in the situation where I couldn't see especially while crossing the roads, heading to such narrow place and worrying about knocking on cars and falling on steps while being blindfolded. It makes me admire those people that tries their best to make life worth living without this special weapon - eyes - to see the world clearly.

However, it took us at least 30 minutes to reach back to the park after the run. Being blindfolded makes the event really fast as one does not know their whereabouts as his/her partner lead the way.

It was a good event for a good cause. Hoping to participate more marathon events this year.

"You can always make it as thou it is a best year for you. By doing so, ignore the cruel world and go forth and live your life."

my point of view.

Day 7: Favorite Movie

My favorite movie? Well I like comedy, funny movies. Also, I like romance and action movie. I am fine with any movie except for horror movies and movie that doesn't make sense (boring movies) if you know what I mean.

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Voicing out my thoughts, my mind keeps telling me to voice out my thoughts. Sometimes, the only person that makes me happy is probably me. It seems like I don't really trust anyone anymore. The fact that your friends whom you thought that they were your friends can't be trusted too. Everything was just a lie which makes me want to keep a distance between others.

I fear to grow closer to anyone around me. Perhaps, I just want to be neutral among others because I am literally sick and tired of getting hurt and I don't want anymore misunderstandings that are worthless to think about.

Also, I personally think that people that expect you to be happy is devastating, okay I agree to the fact that people loves seeing one person happy but THAT DOESN'T MEAN you have to force them to be happy all the time. I mean like, I'm not God, you are not God, we are not perfect and we have our own emotions so why control? A friend that expects you to be happy by lecturing you for being sad does not help at all. It's not like we want to be sad or even ask for it. It just happens, the same situation goes when you do not know when is it going to rain and you can't expect the sun to be there all the time. It's more like you're being pressured all the way, and being pressured by them too, getting lectured and scolded by them for not being happy and finding faults in each situations given, it seems like it's adding more frustrations which make you want to explode anytime. That's how I exactly feel and I'm not afraid to voice out my thoughts that I'm not happy over this. (I mean, is it wrong to be sad? If I were to be happy all the time, might as well I become a robot).

Their perspective change chemically the moment they see someone sad, saying that "oh, I shouldn't hangout with this girl/guy because she/he is such a sad person." EXCUSE ME, if you happened to see someone sad, even for a day or so, that doesn't mean he/she is a sad person which leads to unfortunate things to happen. I don't know what sort of mentality do you have. We are all HUMANS, so ARE YOU. So, why do you expect so much and the fact that you are also one of us? If you are an alien, I understand. Argh, stereotypical people.

Now, I am craving for a piece of cake. I just want to forget about everything.

Sorry if this post offends anyone but this is definitely my point of view. #youhaveeveryrightstovoiceoutyourthoughts.

Of day 6's challenge and C.H.A.N.G.E

My favorite drink has to be water. Well, I am not a fan of alcoholic drinks and fizzy drinks (except for root beer) I am absolutely more like a h2o kind of person. Well, I like tea too and not to forget, iced chocolate is nice too. I like milkshake too. :-)

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Grabbed a yogurt from cold storage and right now I am blogging like a boss in the bus as I was waiting for the bus to come and finally, I am here.

A perfect timing and combination to blog at the same time exploring buildings and roads (heh). I was having my late brunch with Becky after class (well, a proper one) as I had potato chips for brunch. Becky is consider one of my first friend I met in college and before college too. Just so happened and a coincidence that we are in the same college and I met her virtually when I was 15 if I am not wrong. It is great to have her around and someone I can talk to eventhough we hardly see each other that much due to our busy schedule. We were talking on how things change gradually which makes me realize that every seasons and as days goes by, people change - for the better or someone that you don't recognize anymore.

The beginning always begins with something sweet and nice, cherish it before everything change into moments that you don't recognize anymore. Friends that you used to call them as one of your best friends/close friends may change too as well. Time doesn't tell but it happens just like that which makes me reflect back why did he/she change? Believe it or not, I have to think extremely hard why did it happen.

Indeed, it hurts to see someone that change till you don't even recognize that particular person anymore. Changes happen just like that and we can't control it either.

The moment you realize that you changed, have you ever thought or wish to go back to your old, happy, joyful self? Or going back to your old, grumpy, hilarious self? (I was just kidding about the grumpy part) but have you ever thought about it?

I did. I will definitely try to be the same old person that you know. staying the same is my battle and I will fight for it (eventhough I am naturally a happy person but I will NEVER want to change for the worst but to stay the same if it is possible)

Whatever happens, L.I.F.E G.O.E.S O.N.

Shall end my post with a picture! No, make it two.

First picture (TOP): Becky and I. Sunlight is our best friend. 


Second picture (BOTTOM): I WAS BOREDDDDDSD SO I DECIDED TO TAKE A PICTURE WHILE waiting for the....... *DRUM ROLL* bus. *long silent*

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Nights like this are probably the best time to blog because I usually blog out of frustration (kidding) and of course, trying to sleep as usual. (I would have probably dozed off a long time ago if you happened not to see this post) and there you go, another entry of the day.

So lately, I have been listening to music, just to relax my mind after a long day of college assignments and work. Devastated, the word I could think off. More like I am extremely tired but my mind tells me to carry on where else I have no moarrrr energy!! Everything's happening so fast and the only thing I could do is to be able to catch up and chase it whilst time is running.

However, my mind will never rest. It is more like I want to runaway to another world and lie down on the greenest grass and watch the sunset while playing heavenly instrumental songs.

As I watch the dark skies, it tells me to sleep now and avoid the ache.

I will make it through. I will endure this as long as I'm still alive.

that rare dream

The thoughts that I have in mind is probably something that I constantly wish it can be answered. Have you ever ask yourself why and what's your purpose of being here in this world? It's great to explore new things as you are surrounded by nature, society and exposure. 

Sometimes, I constantly ask myself this question.. a lot of times.. how do you want your life to be? You're basically an author to your journey of your life and every chapter contains something you'd experience and learn. 

Last night, I dreamt about light. It was a holy light that came up to me. I don't usually get this kind of dream as I am always having nightmares in some certain nights, best of all - no dream but this one is rather different. Thou it was just a short dream but I rarely have this dream and it's probably very different compare to the other dreams I have. I dreamt about God, I couldn't see him as I was blinded by the light. It was so bright it light up the corner where I was facing. I was sitting on the mountain. It was dark and the only thing I could see was just dark clouds. My mind was full of confusion and unanswered questions. I was lost and helpless. I was restless and clueless. Fell on my knees, I surrendered. Felt his presence coming through the light eventhough I see nothing.

I can't recall that night but I remember that light delivers a message before it disappeared, "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." a verse from Isaiah 41:10.

Knowing that I have sin as much during this sacrament of Lent, I have failed to upright my faith and be a follower. I am a sinner yet God still loves me and never leaves me eventhough I'm imperfect. 

That was one rare dream and I woke up after 2 hours of that dream.

 Lights. I will never see lights the same way ever again after that dream. 

Enclosure: a picture taken yesterday's event - D.I.Y icing muffins made by us at Jaya One bazaar. Credit goes to Madelyn Muffins' Page for capturing this picture! :3

a new leaf.

After a long ride back home, I told myself as the journey goes on, it is time to let go and throw my burdens and start anew. I told myself that this would be the last time that I'd hold on to the memories that scarred me. It may left me a scar but it is never too late to wake up and start anew. So many things I can do in life and that is worth living and fighting for.

Tonight, I told myself to do the things that would make me happy, in order to not ruin my year itself, I would start anew, accepting the past and carry on.

These are the things that I would do and the difference I would make in my life rather than sticking onto the same old tree. I believe I can change the perspective of how I live and to stay positive eventhough shit happens.

Last day of February 2013, tomorrow is a new month, and a new life.

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